Hi. Sorry for the delayed respons–
— Jeez, what is this, an email to a nagging colleague? Nope. Let’s try that again.
Group hug! Bring it in, people. It’s been a while.
That’s better.
I’m stalling, of course, trying to distract from one glaring fact: I haven’t been around for a while.
So, where have I been? Why, I took the natural path for any creatively-challenged, beige-and-vanilla-loving person: I decided that I was destined to write fiction. Something came over me — possibly a mid-life crisis, a phase, or just a hot flush — and I heard the World of Make Believe call. With chest all a-puffed, I answered that call. The World of Make Believe then went pppphhht, uhm, we were actually talking to that other guy.
You see, for the most part my stories were mediocre — lacking in basic plot, character, or descriptions of a scene. Small things like that. (If you want to have a laugh at my attempts, there are links at the end.)
That said, I had a blast. Writing fiction — conjuring whole worlds from the seed of an idea — is exhilarating to the point of being addictive.
What’s more, the experience was one hell of a teacher. As all of storydom — from Odysseus to Moana — would have us know, pushing one’s comfort zone is the best way to learn. And learn I did. For example …
Get Published
Or, in developer speak, Ship It! Whatever you’re creating, set it free.
I stumbled upon a publication, The Weekly Knob, that was prepared to print my stories. Not only was The Knob generous and patient, but it also had a silly name. Sold!
The Knob — teehee — had a weekly publishing schedule, which meant a quick turnaround of each damned story. The Knob also had an audience, which meant readers in need of some damned entertainment. These two conflicting attributes — less time given, more thrills required — lead me to optimise the process. In other words, I found some shortcuts.
For example, need a quick way to stand out? Find an amusing picture. It’s probably no coincidence that my most popular story had exactly that: a photo of two robots with lightbulbs for privates.
Do luminous cyber genitals count as an optimisation? You bet. And that wouldn’t have happened without the pressure of being published.
Tweak, Don’t Redraft
It’s often said that writing is rewriting, which is invariably true. However, this usually leads on to the idea of, say, three discrete drafts. This doesn’t seem to fit with how actual people do actual work.
Instead, I prefer the approach described by short-story legend George Saunders. He talks about making hundreds of tiny adjustments, with each one nudging his story along the right path. Again, we’re back in developer territory: Waterfall vs Agile. Distinct releases vs constant refinement.
(Side note: discovering Saunders’ writing is justification for this little venture alone. The guy is fantastic.)
Whether it’s writing, coding, or anything else — small adjustments make it is easier to stay on course.
It’s Okay To Quit. Again.
Yup, this is kind of becoming a blog about quitting. And, just like with my Arduino failure, the decision to quit was a positive one.
As I said earlier, writing fiction is a blast, and so was often on my mind — story, characters, settings, everything. Unfortunately, this was also the problem: fiction was hogging my brain. I would regularly find myself at work, pondering a tricky plot hole. As productivity methods go, this is not exactly the Pomodoro Technique.
Sadly, this meant one thing: writing fiction had to stop. All that was wrote is all that would be written.
Quitting is fine. It’s part of finding your way. Yes, we all want to be a “Bulldog” who finishes everything they start. But sometimes that’s dangerous–the fear of not finishing can put us off even starting.
I say relax. Keep starting and, if necessary, keep quitting. Eventually we’ll all find something that we can finish. Until then, it’s when we actually quit starting that we need to worry.
So if you don’t hear from me for a while, assume that I’ve gone off to be a slam poet, an arm-wrestler, or something else which I’ll inevitably quit. And I’ll come back all the better for it.
The Stories
As promised, here are my stories. They’re in Likes order because … well, I did enjoy those dopamine hits.
- Sexydecimal: Two human-hating robots discover a bottle of perfume. And, with it, yearning. (I have to admit — from image to story, I’m proud of this one.)
- Real Builder’s Tea: A young man experiences a rite of passage on his first day working as a builder. My only poem. (Working subtitle: A Very English “Boy Named Sue”)
- You Won’t Like What You See: Jodi wakes up in absolute darkness. There’s the smell of burning. Worse still, there’s something on the floor …
- Music to her Ears: Something’s not right about Erin’s new call-centre job: there are no customers on the end of the line. Just music. So why is she still getting paid?
- The Bee Bee King: A struggling family tries to find a place for an extremely unusual trophy.
- The Wallet Inspector: One wallet; Two people claiming to be its rightful owner. Eustace needs a suspect, and he’s running out of time. This was my first effort.